(Oh, gosh. Let's not even get into how long it's been since I updated.)

Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you,
can't help it if there's no one else,
no, I can't help myself..

( Dear you, )

On a different note, I have mentioned how terrified I am of the future? I know, I'm still a junior, I have a little while...right? But I swear that just a second ago I was a sophmore and a second before that just a little baby freshman. Now I'm edging up on halfway through my junior year and before I know it I'll be a senior and after that it's just looming black space! WTF. I don't even know how to go about getting ready for that.

I know I'm lucky to be so sure about what I want to do in life. I know a lot of people go through college without being sure about their majors or what's best. So I'm ahead of the game in that sense. I love graphic design, I love art. I can't imagine any other career option that would make me even as close to as happy as I am doing those things. But just because I love it doesn't mean I know what to do! I don't feel like anything I've made is good enough to make a good portfolio..how am I supposed to get a job? Where do I want a job? Do I need more school? Ugh.

(Don't even get me started on cubicle jobs. If I have to take a graphic design job working in an ugly little office cubicle I might die from my soul being sucked out. The only reason I've been able to handle the cubicle jobs I've had (like the one I have right now) is because I know they aren't permanent. I don't know how the people I work with are able to come in every day, all day, day in and day out and not just wither up. It's so..dull and monotonous. Do they honestly love what they do? If they do, that's great. But if they don't..why do it? I don't want a job that I don't love. I want to be happy with what I'm doing, not dreading it. -sigh-)

In about one year you'll have it all figured out,
these big city dream are what you're about..

 I've been meaning to write in here since I moved into the apartment and yet it is now two weeks later and I'm just getting around to it.

Anyway, I love our apartment. It's weird and old and creaky but I love it. The biggest downsides are no air conditioning and a slight beetle-y bug problem. It's all homey and comfy though. It is /still/ kind of a mess though. Partly because we cleaned and such but then went to Ikea and brought home a ton of stuff, thus creating a mess again until we get everything arranged and finished.

We might have painted a wall without asking. It's now a chalkboard. I'm hoping that no one will see it..and if they do..I'm hoping they won't be so extreme as to kick us out, ha.

Perhaps I shouldn't have written this in the morning while my head is full of snot, I feel like I should have more to say but I'm not sure I can think of it right now. Classes start in a few days, eek. I need a job! That's what I should be doing right now, looking for a job. -sigh-

 I can't remember what I last wrote about..hmm.

In less then two weeks I move into the apartment..actually technically in less then two weeks Brandon will have moved in too. I'm really excited. I'm getting super restless here, I'm ready to be somewhere else now.

Speaking of being restless, I went jogging the other day and I actually enjoyed it! I'd never jogged outside before because I always figured it would just be more uncomfortable (hot, uneven surfaces, etc) then inside jogging and I hate inside jogging..but lo and behold, it was fun. I went by the river and it was nice and it got my mind off things. Plus it just felt so good after a few weeks of sitting all day at VGM and then coming home and sitting around at night because I'm tired from getting up early. I think I'll go again tonight because I'm not sure when I'll have the chance again this week. It's probably good for me to jog because I feel fat and nasty, ickkk. That's really a good motivator, actually.

Ugh, I just feel so gross and cooped up. Everything is boring and messy and repetitive and just..blah. I want to feel better about myself and better about my surroundings. I need to get myself into good habits and I need to start picking up and packing and just getting going.

One more week of work! My dad depressed me by saying the odds are that that is the kind of job I will end up with eventually. My response to that is..no way. Ever. No. I'd rather be a poor, happy artist then work in a horrible stifling office job every day for ever and ever. I know my dreams probably aren't that practical but I just don't know if I could do it any other way. My ideal job is to essentially freelance or to run my own business. In the beginning I'd be happy with working in a smaller business, hopefully designing something that doesn't bore me to tears.

Ok..got the internet/cable for the apartment set up (or the appointment made, anyway), need to fill out the online electric thing, e-mail the landlord about the gas thing. Changed my address online. I need a hair appointment! That doesn't fit in the same category, haha.

Ok, done.

 I need a chaizeeee.
Carrrr seeaaaat couuuuchhh.
I'm going to take a -waves hands- BATH!

In 3 weeks I move into the apartment, yay! Also -anxious!- Then 3 weeks from Saturdayyyy I pick up Brandon from the airport, more yay! I feel like there's 58394053292 things I should do before then but who knows what they are! Oh, here's some..

-fill out the forms for electricity and cable
-sort my clothes and get rid of some
-sort through boxes of stuff from school
-box up stuff to take
-put my money in the bank
-find out if we can paint
-figure out kitten stuff
-freak out

Ok, that last one doesn't count. Anyways.

North Carolina was kind of awesome. I didn't know if it would be or not but it was. Hugeeeemongus house just across the street from a beautiful beach. My family was lots of fun, as usual. Lots of random antics, mostly group meals, cooked together, which was nice. Boogie boarding was super fun. The crabs on the beach were scary and weird. All in all, lots of fun.

Work is possibly the most boring place in the whole wide world. It's good that they're laid back and that I really like everyone I work with because otherwise it would super suck. Two more weeks. Well, and tomorrow.

Oh! My car got crushed by a tree. I've talked about this enough elsewhere that I don't really feel like talking about it more here, but yeah, that happened. Huge oak tree, right on it. The biggest pain about it is that there was a lot of stuff in it, most of which got damp and/or covered in glass shards. Ugh. So..new car soon. Me and my cars aren't really friends, it seems.

Annnnnd..watching Big Brother and working on my blanket. I feel like I should exercise and be outside more but blah.

 I miss you. I miss you so much it's ridiculous. 

Well, it's better then no pillow..
I'm going to play subway piano on my way to work.
Hmm..the next line of that was going to be "You're the prettiest girl in all the sea"..

So, I basically never update this.

June has been crazy times. For almost two weeks I was out of the country, first in France, then Germany, then the Czech Republic. I was with my family and my parents two best friends. It was a lot of fun and we saw a lot of really cool things. I think I loved Paris the most, which I know is cliche but oh well. It was beautiful and interesting. I guess Prague would be second because it's similar to Paris in a lot of ways but I think things were a little more expensive and yet a little more run down there, so there you go. Germany was very pretty and nice but all the towns we saw were small river towns, cute but not much going on besides tourists. Paris and Prague were big cities, yes touristy but also just city-like, full of every kind of person and a billion things to see.

I got home from that last Wednesday and on Friday I up and left again to California. I decided that three months was really too long to go without seeing Brandon (and he agreed, haha) and realized I was making money this summer and was entitled to spend some of it if I wanted. So, I went to LA for four daysish. It was a lot of fun and it was wonderful to see Brandon. :) I lovelove the mountains there, they're soooo pretty. I also loved the beach, even if I did get the worst sunburn ever on my legs..but I'm recovering, so it's cool. (Ok, it's cool except for when I do things that involve bending my legs, like climbing stairs or sitting down..then I make sad little whimpery noises. Ouch. :( =P)

And nowwww on Friday I am going to North Carolina! Seriously, more traveling then I've ever done. Crazy. And we're DRIVING. Whoa. It'll be intense. But once we get there it should be good times..really, really fake Pennellwood, haha.

Now..I am going to go eat a microwave cake. And roll yarn into a ball. How exciting. My friends are seeing Transformers and invited me but I couldn't bring myself to pay $8 to see a movie that looks so bad. =P

( (Lucky I'm in love with my best friend..) )</div>

 Wow, I really need to work on updating this more. Not that anyone really reads it, I just like keeping track of my life a little.

So, summer. Woot. I was home for a few days, relaxing, then left on Thursday to do a Keith Urban tour and eventually end up in Urbana to see my sister graduate. First I went up to the Mall of America with a couple friends, which was quite successful (probably too successful, I spent too much money). Let's see..a skirt, a dress, a necklace, two tank tops, and a pair of shorts. Oh, and two little bottles of nailpolish. But I love it all and I had meant to buy myself some summer stuff so I was happy.

Keith was throughly impressive every time we saw him. My favorite was the second night, though the third had it's moments. (Haha, yes, my mom and I saw him three times in three days! We're crazy. Mostly my mom, she just took me along. =P) But the second night he was all smiles and laughing randomly the whole time and it was just fun. The third night I did get right up close to his little stage, which was pretty awesome. Quite squished and warm and screamy, but still cool.

I saw Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois. I liked Wisconsin, I hadn't really been there much before. Lots of trees and rolling fields. Green Bay wasn't much to speak of but that's ok. Sunday we came back down to Champagne/Urbana, Illinois to see Sara get her master's degree. She's been living there two years and I'd never once seen her place or her school! Oops. Her graduation was quite boring, for the most part (like most graduations, you know). But it was a lot of fun to see her and her apartment. I spent the night there while my parents stayed at a hotel. She showed us her campus some this morning, it's really pretty. I think I still prefer Iowa State's, which is just as pretty but a bit smaller.

Now I'm finally home and I start work at VGM tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, I guess. It'll be good to have something to do with my days and I know working there is pretty nice, as far as summer jobs go. I don't love the idea of 8 to 5, but it's good practice so I might as well get used to it.

In two weeks and a few days my family leaves for France. That'll be a lot of fun, I'm excited. I plan to take excessive photos in hopes with coming out with at least some good ones. I feel like it's been ages since I've taken photos for the sake of photography. I also plan to drink wine. ;)

I feel like there are so many things, little things like crafts and graphics and what not, that I have thought of to do this summer and now that summer is here I can't remember most of them. -sigh-

Well, this is quite the long update, so I'll cut it off here.

 Long time, no update. I think. Yeah.

First of all, I am in mourning. My goldfish Boots (or, more frequently, Bootsie, and sometimes Bootsarama) has passed away. I'm not sure why, precisely, but it happened. I feel guilty but I suppose there's no point in dwelling on that. But I am really sad about it. I know he was just a fish and most people past the age of, say, 7 don't really care when their fish die (because fish are prone to do that)..but I care. He was a very lovable fish and I had him almost a whole year. We'd bonded. He was a fish with a lot of character. He was always very excited when anyone came into the room..he would swim almost frantically at the front of his bowl. If you stuck your finger in (or at least if I stuck mine in..he seemed a little picky) the water, he'd nibble it. Sometimes he'd get so excited to swim somewhere that if the plant in his bowl was in the way, he's just swim on his side to get over it. Anyway, this was just my eulogy about Boots. He was a very good fish and I'll miss him. I might get another fish but I'm sure it won't be the same. (To make this an official sort of obituary..) He is survived by his friend Arnold, the snail. Arnold has a lot of algae on his shell, but he's still kickin'.

Second of all, I want to live in Chicago. I love (love love) it there. It's so pretty and interesting and full of life. I love the all the buildings and all the different kind of architecture. I love all the art stuff there. I love the random stores and restaurants. I can definitely see myself living there in the future and was in fact a little sad that I hadn't applied for school there to begin with. But no, I'm very happy here, so instead I will just look for jobs there later, I'm sure it's full of design firms.

Third of all, I love my family. I say this frequently. But they're great, I love spending time with them.

Fourth of all, I'm sad.

Fifth of all, I'll stop this now and maybe actually do some homework. Ha.